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Taco Bell’s Twitter account isn’t bad, as far as The Brands go. It doesn’t go harder than it needs to, it doesn’t start shit with other fast food restaurants, and it doesn’t do Prompt Tweets or ask too many questions. It’s…fine.
A couple of weeks ago, it quote-tweeted someone who’d typed that their big three star signs were “quesarito sun, taco moon, crunchwrap rising,” adding that its own “Venus was in Baja.” Before long, it followed up with a series of tweets that made menu item recommendations for each astrological sign, complete with star, moon, and rising choices for everyone. “Let the universe show your Taco Bell order,” @TacoBell wrote at the top of the dozen-tweet thread.
We were curious how accurate the idea that, like, an Aries Moon should just empty a packet of Fire Sauce into their open mouth was, so we got in touch with an expert. Leslie Hale has over 20 years of experience as an astrologer, and over 10,000 five star reviews on Keen, a platform for spiritual advisors. Some of her recent reviews range from “She is the truth” to “Wow, wow, woooooooowwwww!!!” so she must be legit—or she’s convinced her clients that she is. (VICE reached out to Taco Bell to ask about its methodology, but we have not yet received a response.)
Hale told VICE that her interest in star signs started when she was a teen, but she dropped a college class about astrology because she “thought it would be too difficult to comprehend.” A decade-ish later, she started working with a teacher who “made it a little bit more understandable,” and she’s been building her rep as an astrologer ever since. “I absolutely loved it,” she said of her post-college conversion. “I also saw that it worked, and that there was really a lot to it.”
Before we got into Taco Bell’s recommendations, Hale gave us a quick rundown of sun signs, moon signs, and rising signs. Your sun sign is the one that you probably already know, like whether you’re a Pisces or a Virgo or whatever, based on where your birthday falls on the calendar. But she said that the other sections of the chart are also important when it comes to defining some additional aspects of your life. “Your sun sign is basically your soul,” she said. “You’ve also got a moon sign that’s your emotional life, and you’ve got a rising sign that is the way you come across to the world. It’s pretty complex.”
She also explained that each sun sign “rules a part of your body,” which is something to keep in mind if you’re trying to eat in a way that benefits (or at least doesn’t totally wreck) that part. “Everybody’s got a weaker part of their body, so to speak, based on their sun sign,” she said. “Let’s say you’re a Cancer like me, then you’ve got to watch your digestion, especially as you get older. Maybe when you’re 20 it doesn’t matter as much, but I think it’s good to know what part of your body you should be protecting a little bit.”
Some of her concerns about Taco Bell’s recos were related to the effect that some of them could have on whatever body part was of concern. For example, Nachos BellGrande were suggested for Virgos, but because those signs can “suffer from intestinal issues at times,” she didn’t think this “met the astro-criteria.” She wasn’t crazy about the Chalupa Supreme for Cancers — the “digestive” thing again—and also shrugged off the Crunchwrap Supreme recommendation for Leos, since they’re supposed to focus on heart-healthy foods. (“Leo could be attracted to the wording that includes ‘Supreme’ and try it anyway,” she added.)
Some of the menu items that were closer-to-the-mark were the Power Menu Bowl for Aquarius: Since that sign rules the circulatory system, she was pleased with the rice, proteins, and vegetables that it contained. Hale was also cool with the Crunchy Taco for Aries, as she felt that the “veggies were a winner” for Rams that need to fill up on “brain foods.”
Hale also said that if you know which body part connects to your sun sign, you could modify Taco Bell’s suggestions to make them a slightly better fit. Geminis like me apparently have to look out for our lungs and our capillaries, so we need to focus on “oxygenating” foods like fresh fruits and leafy greens, and avoid “heavy meats.” Although the Burrito Supreme does have a bit of lettuce in it (HEY, THAT COUNTS), we could make it more Twin-tastic by swapping the beef for beans or chicken.
When it came to Taco Bell’s general recommendations, she wrapped a tortilla of positivity around a filling of truth. “I think they’re accurate to a degree but, let’s be honest: if you’re really looking to follow a diet that’s helpful to your sun sign, I’m not sure that Taco Bell would be the greatest place to do it,” she said. “These foods are pretty heavy in carbs and calories—even though they’re really good—so I’m not sure there’s a lot at Taco Bell for a lot of signs, if you’re really delving into that. But I do applaud them for giving it a try.”